Single channel video, collage
I imagine you to be a woman with a delicate
body who delights in living.
Mum tells me that she would have named you
Hung-jin. Dad still talks about the daughter he never knew.
I call you Nancy. I imagine that you left
to study overseas and have yet to return. You were born with a quiet nature and
have become slightly eccentric. Due to your own academic pursuits, I understand
why you have never taken the initiative to contact us and we dare not disturb
you.
How are you? I continue to search for you
on the internet. I look for someone with features similar to my own but with
long hair dyed blond, a pair of shiny pupils that often look blue but turn
brown in the right light, and wearing softly-coloured eye make-up. Your home
city has unstable weather and so you wear clothes in various styles from different
seasons. You have a large circle of friends who share information about you and
your life on the internet, and this helps me create a more vivid and accurate
image of who you are today.
Perhaps your departure has no return. I
have created an album where I keep information that I collect about you so
Mum, Dad and I may better know and remember you. You are now twenty-five years
old. This album is the only record I have of your life.
我想像妳是女的，伴隨那嬌喘的氣息快樂地活著。
聽母親說，她想喚妳作紅嫣，大概比我少三四歲。爸爸，也一直想有個女兒，我的妹妹。
我喚妳作楠詩，妳好比到了海外留學還沒有回來；妳時常寄居在不同的家庭裡，足跡早就遍及世界；妳天性文靜，有點乖僻，又因為學業為重，故沒有主動聯絡我們，我們也未敢打擾妳。
妳 生活好嗎？我在互聯網上找尋妳。妳的身影千變萬化，偶爾帶有一頭黑色髮絲，間或染成一把長長的金髮，都低垂虛掩著隨時間與地域變換的俏臉；眼珠兒藍藍啡 啡，眼圈四周濃妝或素面都明艷照人；妳生活在天氣變化多端的國度，衣著多變而無分季節；妳有著龐大的生活圈子，身邊的朋友都將跟妳的合照存載到網上，我從 這側面認識了妳更多。
也許妳不再回來，我只能為妳將種種資料整理結集，製成相簿，好讓爸爸媽媽還有我，作為惦記妳的一種形式。妳今年該二十五歲了，這些，是妳的成長記錄。
“I call you Nancy” is a project created using the sentimental projection of facts based on the memory of a sister I never knew. My mother terminated a pregnancy over twenty years ago. The work weaves together a fictitious story that has been formed through the process of grief and loss and yearning for memories that were never made. The structure of the project contains falsehoods, truths as well as details found and created through Internet searches using specific keywords, possibility and coincidence.
This project is not only about self-expression, but aims to raise questions about the significance of having children from the perspective of my mother and others confronted with the change in values and society’s prevailing preference for single-child families. The average family size in my mother’s generation and the generations that came before was about ten people. Traditionally, large families were necessary in order to increase the size of the labor force on the farm or in the home. The political and economic development of China has altered the traditional family with educational ideals and promises for a better future. This shift came with great loss that has grown into regret for many in my mother’s and subsequent generations.
｢我喚妳作楠詩」是一個有關情緒投射的計劃。透過將媽媽二十多年前把一個多月的胎兒打掉的事實作延伸，構成一個被注入真實感情的虛構故事。這正好符合互聯網虛虛實實及資訊多樣的特性，以關鍵詞搜尋所得，就似被賦予一種既遠且近的追憶的可能及巧合。
本 計劃不單是個人的情感抒發，更旨在藉著母親作為處於八十年代面對組織家庭價值轉變的處境，如何思考生兒育女的意義。由母親上一輩普遍以十多人為單位的家庭 規模，收窄到三至四人。兒女亦由作為單單勞動力的增加及符合形成傳統大家族的意識，轉向成父母親一輩能漸趨美好將來的寄望。當中，墮胎成了那個時代一些母 親的遺憾。
倘若遺下歉疚，而這作品能若干解放了心靈，在這個歷經整段歷史的文華酒店裡頭，伴隨傳統英式格調的擺設凝視著香港的維多利亞，如此文化對比相應文化轉變，是否恰到好處？
